Apart from learning
humility, golf can be a great window into the human condition. Some aspects of
the game are a metaphor for life, with lessons that are generalizable to the
grander scheme of things. Even to the point of preventing and managing mental
health problems.
So, one of the
interesting behaviours I’ve observed on the golf course is the power of the
manner in which golfers talk to themselves during a round. I’m not suggesting
they’re hearing voices or chatting to a goblin walking along next to them. We
all talk to ourselves, mostly unconsciously, and what we are saying to
ourselves is a big driver of how we behave (excuse the pun but I had to put it
down-so to speak).
The most common
example of the power of our self-talk is when that little white round thing
starts doing odd things such as only going a few yards, slicing into trees or
heading left into that huge pond. Missing a short put will do it, as will
fluffing a short chip shot immediately after nailing a 200 metre 3-wood to
within 5 metres of the green.
After a couple of
errors that ruin maybe 2 or 3 holes, the self-talk becomes very evident. In the
worst case scenario, it can happen after one bad shot. Often it is verbalised
straight out with angry comments about ability, the course, the stupid game
itself, how the handicap has been slipping lately. Sometimes people go within
themselves, quiet. The shoulders droop and gone is the sunny disposition and
expectations of something extraordinary. There is a spiral downward from there
as the feelings lead to worse golf and so on. What’s interesting that golfers
will repeat this formula even though it clearly doesn’t work.
On rare occasions I
meet someone who talks to their self in a different way when things are going
awry. The internal message is that, ‘I’ll make the best of this round’, ‘I can
recover from this’, ‘I’ll at least have a few good holes’, ‘I’ll use this
opportunity to practice some things I haven’t tried before’. Somehow, they
manage to find something to be optimistic about.
And so it is with life
off the fairways. What we say to ourselves about our experiences and how we
feel determines our behaviour. It can determine whether we give in to that
temptation when we are trying to change a habit, how we react to someone else’s
comment or behaviour, what we decide to worry about, whether we decide to give
in or to keep on trying, for example.
There is a technique
psychologists use in therapy that involves being aware of our thoughts and then
challenging them in a very active way. In doing so, we force ourselves to think
differently, to have an internal conversation about the value of changing the
thought. There are also a number of techniques that can be used to change
emotions (contact me at stewart.hase@gmail.com
if you’d like to know more).
Many of you would have
heard of the act of mindfulness. This is the starting point and involves
recognising our self-defeating behaviour and the thoughts that give birth to it
and then challenging self. Being self-aware is essential to changing behaviour
that is not working for us. The changing of patterns that are self-defeating
but which we repeat over and over again.
So, if you are
interested in changing a behaviour that is not working for you then be mindful,
challenge those thoughts and replace them with thoughts that are more
productive.
