Sunday, January 18, 2015

The Power of Self-Limiting Messages: And Drawing Straight Lines



Recently, I have taken up painting. Not the painting of buildings type but the artistic kind, although not sure what I’ve been painting could be called close to art, as of yet. I’m just six months into this new experiment with life and I’ve produced some reasonable efforts. What is even more interesting is that I have learned that I can draw. My birds, people and objects approximate what they are meant to look like, the proportions are good and others can tell what they are.

Since I was around 14 I have never tried to paint or draw. I was wont to quip that I couldn’t draw a straight line to save my life. The reason for this was that I developed an aversion to art when a teacher gave me 5% for an art exam and basically suggested I do science instead. I recall that day and I recall the painting that I did-it was pretty awful, a deep brown blob. The mark I got may have been generous like the joke about getting some marks for just turning up for an exam and writing your name. I duly went off to the science labs and never destroyed a nice white canvas again.

I have to agree with the teacher that I had no aptitude for art at all, at the time. But, of course, that was not the point. The complete lack of encouragement and writing me off as a dud had the effect of keeping me from a wonderfully creative experience for over 50 years. I suspect this is more true for those who have problems with being sporty and who are left on the sidelines rather than included, then lose interest in being active altogether.

I just love painting and, if left to my own devices and not disrupted by the  Director of Nursing waving the list of jobs to do around the house at me, will spend hours sitting at the easel. I am besotted.

What’s more, it is helping with other areas of my life, such as writing. And I seem to be having more good ideas lately. The evidence suggests that activating the creative parts of the brain will cause them to be active for some time afterwards. I always use creative activities to my workshops for this reason.  However, the point being that one does not have to be Renoir but just being creative is enough to have positive effects on my life.

As a psychologist I very frequently meet people who have self-limiting thoughts, usually implanted by an adult early in life, and nearly always without conscious malice. The malicious undermining of the self-esteem of another is a different matter, and it does happen, sadly.  Some people I meet struggle with these self-limiting messages all their lives. These are the ‘shoulds’, ‘musts’, ‘oughts’ and ‘cannots’ that get in the way of doing things that might ultimately fulfill us.

I also think that this can happen to adults too. Women in abusive relationships are a good example although they may have had some experience of abuse early in life as a model, so they don’t expect much else, although this is not true all the time.

As a psychologist, what interests me is how powerful these messages are: that we would take the opinion of another and believe it to be true. We are enormously fragile in a psychological sense. It behooves us to be aware of this when we make comments, even throw away ones, to children, family members, colleagues and those we manage at work.

The good news is that these self-limiting thoughts can be reversed. See your friendly local psychologist or send me an email and I can point you to some reading, if you are interested.

So, here I am, artist in the making. Still can’t draw straight lines but the great thing about art is that you don’t have to. Straight lines hardly exist in nature and they are boring anyway.


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Thursday, December 4, 2014

Engagement and the normalisation of deviance



The term ‘normalisation of deviance’ was first coined by Diane Vaughan following the Challenger space shuttle disaster in 1986 (yes, it was that long ago-seems like yesterday). It refers to the gradual acceptance of flaws in procedures and operations, so that tolerance of less than optimal, or even acceptable practice becomes the norm.  In the case of disasters, for which the normalisation of deviance refers, danger signals are ignored, greater margins of error are accepted, and performance checks are not made. It is the development of a dysfunctional culture. The result is disaster.

Normalisation of deviance is similar to the more well-known psychological phenomenon of desensitization. When we become desensitized to something our feelings about it become less acute, we become less afraid perhaps, less amazed, less concerned. This occurs due to repeated exposure to an event, which results in familiarity. It becomes more normal.

The idea of normalisation of deviance can be applied to organizational operations as well as safety. I want to choose the example of employee engagement here, since engagement has been demonstrated to be critical in determining organization success, effectiveness and efficiency.  The cost to organisations of having disengaged employees is truly staggering.

Employee engagement is effected very strongly by leadership, usually of the transformational rather than transactional kind. That is, management through people where there is an emphasis on: excellent relationships between leaders and employees; the development of people; involvement in decision-making; sharing of information; excellent communication; clarity of expectations; employee control over flow and pace of their jobs; intrinsic reward; collaboration; trust; and a clear vision, for example.

Low levels of engagement are, however, the norm, according to a series of surveys of a large number of organisations across the globe conducted by the Gallup organization, and others. This means that most organisations are not managing their human resources well. This results in lowered productivity, efficiency and effectiveness.

What is important is the extent to which poor performance, poor leadership, poor followship and a dispiriting lack of engagement can become the norm in organisations. I’m sure most of you can tell stories about airlines, retail organisations, service providers, hospitals, and schools, for example, where there is a culture of mediocrity: where you, the customer, is treated shabbily. It is due to the normalisation of deviance.

Organisational culture is the responsibility of leaders. It is up to leaders to normalize engagement rather than a culture where unacceptable standards are the norm, deviant. There is plenty of evidence to suggest that culture change is possible, largely by adopting transformational and situational leadership approaches. At the same time the organization needs to look outwards rather than inward, to be agile, responsible and flexible in what is now a constantly changing environment.

Success is embedded in a normalisation of excellence and it is leadership that drives it.



Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The diminishing age of consequence



It may just be that I am becoming a grumpy old man but the idea of accountability seems to have disappeared from modern life. Perhaps told age has eroded my tolerance to the thinness of a battery egg shell,  like Clint Eastwood in that wonderful movie Gran Torino.

The recent incident involving Kurtly Beale has brought this into sharp focus for me and I’ve been grappling with notions of values and personal responsibility for a week or so now. Like others, I am just gobsmacked that Australian Rugby would allow Beale back into the Australian side at all, let alone so quickly, after his atrocious behavior. Sending a disgusting and denigrating text to a work colleague would result in instant dismissal in any workplace with no parole. Not only did Beale get parole, it was cynically foreshortened. So, off goes Beale for a European holiday.

It hardly needs me to point out the message that this sends, especially young people, about values, about the way we can treat other people. It appears that it’s is OK to abuse someone in a way that is likely to damage them irreparably. That he is a man abusing a woman is an even more terrible reflection of our societal values, given he has been reprieved from all responsibility. The fact he copped a fine misses the point completely. In any case, $45,000 is nothing for a man of his financial status.

One of the topics covered in psychology 101 is the shaping of human behavior, how we learn. It is a terribly complex process but one of the simplest ways we learn is by understanding consequences. If your behavior is rewarded, or you see others rewarded for their behavior, then you are more likely to repeat that behaviour If reward is removed then a behaviour will be avoided of can be extinguished. We learn that there are consequences for what we do. One of the most powerful ways we learn is through the approval or disapproval of those people who are significant to us.

In this way we find out about what’s right and what’s wrong. If it all works out well we learn what it takes to live in harmony with other people, we find that empathy for others is a valuable tool in relationships, that caring is nice. Of course there is that 2 or 3 percent of people that never get it and turn out to be psychopaths. The rest of us are shaped by the ways others respond to us and how we feel about what we are doing.

Vicarious learning is responsible for shaping a lot of our behavior. We learn by watching others and how they get along when they do something. Again, it is usually most powerful when it involves people we are close to or admire. Parents are obviously big determinants of behavior in their children. But, other relatives, work colleagues, bosses, friends and, yes, celebrities can model our behavior too.

Before the next bit let me be clear that physical or other abusive forms of punishment are very poor at shaping behavior, at least in the long term. You’ll get compliance but not a change in behavior or attitude. All we do when we do this is teach someone to be similarly violent or abusive. If you don’t want to believe me then please look at the evidence. It is overwhelming that physical punishment is not a deterrent or a game changer.

But, consequences are critical. I have seen many parents shake their heads at the selfish antics of their children, people look totally confused when their partner leaves them, be angry at their inability to get a promotion, or depressed that no-one seems to like them. Many of them failed to understand the consequences of not understanding consequences.

It’s the same in workplaces. Even in this age of apparent enlightenment we see bullying behavior such as that exhibited by Beale. In many cases the consequences are minimal, if there any at all. Bullying remains a critical issue in many organisations. But also endemic are failures of leadership, a failure to live up to common values such as honesty and integrity, and lack of engagement. Similarly, we endorse the vapid behavior of our politicians, their dishonesty, their self-interest, their disingenuousness. Our news media has become morally bankrupt, controlled as they are by self-interest. The truth is a leaf on the wind.


Our silences, our lack of outrage, is deafening and it provides the endorsement, the consequences of bad behavior.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Bullies: I know who You Are


You don’t like yourself, even though this is not obvious to you. You think that it’s others who don’t come up to the mark, who are inadequate. This is called projection and is a common psychological phenomenon used by humans to protect their sense of self. We ‘project’ what we don’t like about ourselves onto others, like a movie projector. Your sense of self (what we call ego strength) is very fragile and you are easily offended because your anxiety about being found out is very close to the surface.

You’re not aware of your deep-seated anger, your resentment. It drives much of what you do and has shaped your personality. You may overtly display your anger towards others although this is more common in young people. As an adult you have learned that this meets with disapproval from others and can get you in hot water. However, you may still try and run cyclists off the road or display your aggression inappropriately on the sports field. Hurting others helps release your anger and makes you feel better.

Mostly, though, you are much more subtle at putting people down with the well-placed cutting phrase, dismissive guesture, reputation eroding gossip, passive-aggressive behaviour, and manipulation. Many of you like to control others, which may be quite overt or very subtle. You may even quietly suggest that others like what you like, insist that your partner wears what you want, and for them to behave in particular ways. You force them into an image of yourself: it makes you feel better about yourself.

As well as often being a good manipulator one of your other skills is working out who are vulnerable people and singling them out. Even more astounding is your ability to work out what sorts of things will hurt each person you find to pick on. You’ve learned these skills over a long period of time, maybe from childhood.

You have very little empathy towards others. You don’t feel what others feel and therefore don’t really care if someone is sad, intimidated, hurting. You think you do but this is an act to yourself and the outside world-its what you think should be felt but you don’t really know the emotion at all. You think that people get what they deserve and that’s your rationale for bullying, intimidating and controlling others. If they can’t fight back then why should you worry? Survival of the fittest is your mantra.

One way of catching you out is to criticize you in some small way and watch your reaction. You often have more than your fair share of narcissism. Criticism strikes at the heart of how you feel about yourself. Your ego is so fragile that any criticism reminds you of how much you despise yourself.

You may eventually obtain insight into your behaviour and then change. This may be brought about as you come to understand that you behaviour is hurting yourself as much as others. You may work out that it is more rewarding to be nice to people, although it can be a hard road learning these skills. It can take years for you to heal yourself. Along the way it has probably taken a lot of brave people to stand up to you, to expose you and refuse to allow you to undermine them. People who have a stronger sense of self, an ability to like themselves, to be satisfied with who they are. You yearn to be like them but don’t consciously know this. Instead you avoid them until you can ignore them no longer.


There are not many aging bullies, which gives some support for the capacity of humans to learn.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Motivating Others 101



One of the most frequent questions I get asked by managers is how to motivate their team or, more tricky, how to motivate disengaged team members. Despite being a common problem the question still makes me ‘um’ and ‘ah’ a lot is not a great opportunity to show off. You’d think by now that I’d have a nicely scripted answer.

The truth is that there is no simple solution. I was listening to a radio program yesterday where a psychologist in the area of coaching was offering some interesting motivational tips. They were certainly very useful and the research shows they work but they all involved the cognitive side of things. I think there is a step that needs to occur before cognitive strategies, which are largely skills, work. The important factor is emotion, which is the core driver for motivation and action, and operates in a number of ways. At the most basic level people need to have a desire to act. And for them to change takes a stronger desire.

For the economically minded this can be thought of as a cost-benefit analysis. The desire or perceived benefit to do something must outweigh the desire or perceived benefit not to do it: that is to do something else.  And remember, choosing not to do something is a behavior. When we see apparently irrational and self-sabotaging behavior by others we are prone to shake our heads. What motivates them to do this we wonder in disbelief? Well, all human behavior is purposeful, even if we are not aware of the reasons for it: even our own. There is a reason, a drive for it and the reason is usually emotionally charged.

Motivation can be obtained externally. It appears to be true that charismatic leaders are able to engage followers and get them to engage, to desire a goal or outcome and to act. History is replete with them and some with the charismatic gift can be found in organisations. But charisma is a trait and relatively rare. It is not something that is going to be picked up in a leadership course. You either have it, or you don’t.

It may surprise many that fear is a poor motivator. It might work in the short term but disengagement is the only sure outcome over a longer period. The person may seem to be motivated but output will be low along with creativity and innovation.

So, if you’re charismatic you can get up and give an emotionally charged speech, Billy Graham or Hitler style, or can just lead by the fact that people are drawn to you. But for most of us trying to motivate others is going to be a much more difficult task and take some skill. The skills required are largely interpersonal and psychological, and requires a coaching style.

The trick is to find out from the individual what it is that drives the person, gets them excited, their passion and what makes them want to get out of bed in the morning. The next is to find out what they really feel about the work they do, the team they are in, their goals (if they have any) and, most importantly, why they come to work. Now, this is no easy task and requires a lot of relationship building. It also requires asking some difficult questions about whether or not this is a good job fit, whether leadership is an issue (what am I doing?) and alternatives. For example, we tend to fit people around jobs so getting jobs to fit around people is not easy in any organization-its not how we do things except for the more gifted person who we want to keep no matter what. For those employees it is worth the effort.

These conversations attempt to talk to the emotional person-desires, needs, wants, drivers, turn-offs. If you have any empathic skills you should be able to see whether or not the person is reacting in an emotional way: positive or negative. This is the key, you need an emotional reaction. If you’re not getting any in the way of tangible excitement or disappointment, for example, then its not working or at least there won’t be change. If you are getting an emotional reaction then you are onto something and then need to pursue whatever it is that has caused the reaction.

The end result is a commitment from the person, and you, to take some sort of action. This needs to be monitored in the short term, then medium term for success and to follow-up on barriers, things that might be getting in the way. This latter issue is a key change technique. If the person is not taking action then lets find out what is happening to prevent success.

If you’re a manager that doesn’t find it easy to have these sorts of conversations, take heart because the skills can be learned.