After 47 years spent trying to help people
change I have to conclude that it is a lot harder than it looks. It makes me
grimace a little when I see claims from smiling, smartly suited consultants that
this training course or that formula will make a difference. Getting people to
change, particularly if they are not motivated by some powerful need, is a bit
like shifting the Olgas with an ice pick. In fact, I found in my years of being
a therapist that even when people are in incredible psychological pain getting
them to change can be extremely difficult.
Brain research shows that when people are
confronted with change the brain releases chemicals that activate the fight and
flight response. It creates anxiety. The same regions in the brain that are
activated when we are in physical pain are activated when we see change on the
horizon. Habits, on the other hand, are much more indelible since they are
energy conserving and make us feel comfortable. It is no wonder change is
difficult or even impossible, even in people who are in psychological pain and
have every reason to change.
One of the amusing illogical things we
humans do (and there are lots of them) is to think that if we tell someone to
behave and think differently then that is all that is needed. The parents of
children over the age of about 11 are good examples of this belief, as are
bosses, teachers and people who run training programs. Psychology 101 tells us
that people are more likely to become even more resistant when we tell them to
change when they don’t want to, when motivation is low. Our brains are capable
of making up all sorts of reasons to reject even good stuff that we hear or
see, let along things that are of marginal interest. And please don’t think
that logical argument will work either. A lot of change involves emotion and it
is probably the main force that will move or not move mountains.
There is pretty convincing evidence that
coaching is much more effective than training in changing behavior and it is
useful to know why. While a case can be made for the use of training for
obtaining knowledge and skills (competencies) there is not much evidence that
any significant change in behavior or deep learning occurs beyond that. Change
is just too difficult as described above. Mostly, people change as a result of
their experience in applying their competence in varying circumstances, where
there is a motivation to deal with specific situations or where they are
confronted with problems. This is how we really learn.
Like psychotherapy, and I don’t make this
comparison lightly, coaching accelerates the likelihood of deep learning and
change. It seems to work for three main reasons. The coaching technique or
approach appears to have little effectiveness on coaching outcomes. However,
there is some good support for cognitive-behavioural techniques that are
evidence-based and are used in mainstream psychology. What do seem to create
exchange are: the relationship between coach and client; empathic understanding
by the coach; and positive expectations. Like psychotherapy these three factors make up
about 80% of the reasons coaching works and about 20% is technique or skilled
application.There are several dimensions to these main factors.
The coaching enterprise, if undertaken
correctly, involves identifying very specific personal needs, the elaboration
of the context and scope of these needs, exploration of problems encountered,
discussion about the emotional impact of the issues raised, a sharing of
understanding, identification of personal resources, development of an agreed
course of action, and follow-up later to refine the action plan.
This process, if done well involves: engagement
through effective listening and responding skills, acknowledgement of problems
and issues, sharing of experiences, story telling, shared problem solving, a
shared journey, acceptance of the other, being supportive, positive
reinforcement, optimism, focus, and a relationship where failure is allowed.
Brain research tells us that a positive
relationship causes the release of chemicals in the brain such as oxytocin,
vasopressin and dopamine that make us feel good. Dopamine increases motivation.
Coupled with a focused program that makes
change seem safe, a positive relationship overcomes those nasty chemicals that
frighten us from changing and make us revert to habitual behavior. The fact
that the client can try out new behaviours in a graded way means that change is
much more manageable. Follow-up provides support over a prolonged period of
time and difficulties can be overcome as they arise in a safe environment. One
of the great strengths of coaching is that the coach can explore with the
client why certain tactics or behavior is not working.
